How Holiday Stress Affects Kids with Executive Function Difficulties

The holidays bring together everything that challenges executive function: disrupted routines, increased sensory input, social demands, and heightened expectations.

For many children, holiday stress doesn’t show up as words. It shows up as changes in regulation, behavior, energy, and engagement.

When we understand executive function through The Executive Function Express, the picture becomes clearer: the child is the train, and when the nervous system feels stressed or unsafe, the train cannot keep moving forward. It needs a station stop, not correction, pressure, or discipline, but regulation and support.

Holiday Stress Is a Nervous System Load Issue

Executive function skills (such as emotional control, inhibition, flexibility, planning, and attention) depend on the nervous system being sufficiently regulated to stay on track.

During the holidays, stimulation often increases faster than the nervous system can process:

• Noise

• Crowds

• Unfamiliar environments

• Strong smells

• Social demands

• Changes in sleep and routines

Interoception (the ability to notice and interpret internal body signals, such as tension, heart rate, breath, and discomfort) is the system that tells the train when it’s time to slow down or stop. When the child misses, mutes, or is overwhelmed by interoceptive signals, the system forces the train to stop. That stop often looks like a stress response.

Stress Responses Signal the Train Needs to Travel to the Nearest Station

Stress responses signal that the child’s nervous system is overloaded and needs regulatory support. In The Executive Function Express, these responses tell us the train needs to pull into a station to refuel, reset, and feel safe enough to continue. Our program uses animals that the train might see during its journey to visually represent stress responses to help kids understand otherwise complex emotions and sensations.

Fight: When the Train Pushes Back (The Lion)

When the nervous system feels threatened or out of control, the child may push against demands.

This can look like:

• Yelling or snapping

• Aggression or impulsive actions

• Rigid refusal

Interoceptive signals include:

• Tight chest or jaw

• Heat

• Rapid heart rate

• Muscle tension

  
  

This is not defiance. It is the train responding to overload and signaling the need for support.

Flee/Flight: When the Train Tries to Escape the Track (The Bird)

Sometimes the nervous system decides that distance is safer than engagement.

This may look like:

• Leaving the room repeatedly

• Hiding

• Constant movement

• Repeated requests to go home

Interoceptive cues often include:

• Fluttering stomach

• Shallow breathing

• Restlessness

• A sense of urgency

The train isn’t avoiding a connection; it’s responding to a system that needs space to regulate.

Fawn: When the Train Holds It Together at a Cost (The Deer Fawn)

Some children respond to stress by over-accommodating their environment.

This may look like:

• Over-compliance

• People-pleasing

• Ignoring internal discomfort

• Masking stress

Interoceptive signals include:

• Heavy

• Collapsed

• Disconnected

• Tight through the throat or chest

The train stays moving, but the fuel tank empties quickly.

Freeze: When the Train Pulls the Emergency Brake (The Squirrel)

When stimulation becomes overwhelming, the nervous system may shut down.

This can look like:

• Zoning out

• Staring

• Minimal response

• Sudden fatigue

Interoceptive signals often include:

• Cold hands or feet

• Slowed breathing

• Heaviness

• Mental fog

Freeze is not a refusal. It is the train stopping because continuing is no longer safe.

Why Traditional Holiday Advice Misses the Mark

Holiday strategies often focus on behavior and compliance:

• “Use clear expectations.”

• “Practice flexibility.”

• “Encourage coping skills.”

But executive function cannot override a dysregulated nervous system. We cannot force a child to continue forward when it needs a station. Regulation must come before reasoning, problem-solving, or flexibility. The more helpful question becomes: What is the train telling us it needs right now?

Interoception-Focused Ways to Support the Train During the Holidays

Rather than managing behavior, these strategies support the internal signal system that tells the train when to slow down, stop, and recover.

Support Signal Awareness Instead of Emotional Labels

Instead of “How do you feel?” try:

• “Where do you feel this in your body?”

• “Does your body feel tight, heavy, buzzy, or still?”

• “Which part of your body noticed this first?”

This builds awareness of early signals, not just emotional outcomes.

Treat Stress Responses as Station Requests

When a stress response appears, reframe it:

• “Your train needs a station.”

• “Your body is asking for support.”

This removes judgment and helps children learn that regulation is part of functioning, not a failure.

Teach Intensity Awareness, Not Calmness

Support interoceptive scaling:

• “Is your body running at a low, medium, or high level?”

• “Did your body speed up when the room got louder?”

This helps children notice change before overload occurs.

Normalize Delayed Station Stops

Many children hold it together during events and unravel later.

Name it: “Your train stayed on track earlier. Now it needs a longer stop.”

This builds trust in the body’s timing and needs. It also avoids judgment for having a meltdown.

Build a Personal Signal Map

Help children identify:

• Early warning signals

• Overload signals

• Recovery signals

Examples:

• “My stomach tightness means I need space.”

• “Yawning means my train is overloaded.”

• “Heavy legs mean I need rest.”

This turns internal sensations into usable executive function data.

The Goal Is Not A Perfect Holiday, It’s Regulation and Trust

Executive function develops when children feel safe enough to listen to their bodies and trust that support will follow. When the train learns it can stop at a station without punishment or pressure, it becomes more capable of staying on track over time. The holidays need to allow space for regulation, recovery, and nervous system trust. Because a supported train is a train that can keep going.

Full steam ahead!

Dr. Cara Koscinski, OTD, MOT, OTR/L, CAS, is a seasoned pediatric occupational therapist, certified autism specialist, author of seven books, and founder of the Executive Function Institute. Known for her practical, strengths-based approach to neurodiversity, she specializes in helping children build executive function through sensory-aware, visual, and body-based strategies. Creator of The Executive Function Express program and a frequent speaker at national conferences, Dr. Koscinski brings warmth, clarity, and decades of clinical expertise to every tool she creates.